“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; YOU ARE MINE.” Isaiah 43:1
I mentioned on this blog back in September how I had lost my purpose for writing. My problem was that when Eb first asked me to start this blog with her, I asked God to help me become the best disability advocate I could be. That was my main focus. I put all of my passion into this blog. I loved our new venture. I put my identity into writing. I put all of my passion into my friends. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends, but I love my Jesus more. I had just forgotten that. As my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ know, when we put our hearts into anything but Jesus it all begins to fall apart, and that’s what happened to me. I lost my passion for everything. I forgot who I am.
During this time, I just began to let go of everything. I began to study the Bible more, and to cry and pour my heart out to God. I stepped away from the world. I began to spend more time with Jesus. I said, “God, I”m always going to need you, and I know You’re always speaking to me. The problem is, I don’t know how to listen. Help me learn to listen, because I want to hear Your voice in every aspect of my life. I need your guidance. Until I learn to listen, can You just speak to me so clearly right now, because I need to hear your voice. I am in so much pain.” When I began to lose myself, I subscribed to my sister in Christ, Sadie Robertson’s blog, and it was during the time I begged God to speak to me that I received an email. A young girl had written a post on this blog that spoke to me in my darkness. This girl’s words were my exact feelings. God had spoken to me through writing. (Duh!) I also went to a faith conference where a lady said, “I see writers that God is going to use in this room.” At the time, it didn’t mean anything to me. I didn’t see God through my pain. He was there though. I know He was. Sometimes, we are just too blind to see Him, but He’s there. All we have to do is call out to Jesus.
It’s like this year God has said to me, “Ashley, I don’t just want you to be a disability advocate, but I also want you to be My advocate. If you lose everything don’t worry, because I have plans for you my child. Live in that.”
Before I’m a disability advocate, or a writer, no matter how bad or good I may be at either of those things, and before I’m a friend, I’m a daughter of God. I’m a Christian. It took this summer for me to realize that again, and for God to wake me up. I pray I never forget that, but if I do, I know He’ll be waiting with open arms no matter what.
This is who I am. I hope and pray that my story has touched at least one person this year. If I don’t write before then, may my God bless all of your holidays.
In Christ’s Love,
Ashley N. Moulin
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